No really, the sound of the car alarm going off six, sometimes seven times a day is truly a comforting sound. I especially like when it goes off at 1:00am, and then again at 5:00am. THANK YOU so very much! Usually after the worst day of my life, it's the first and only sound that I want to hear. I shouldn't be sleeping anyways as we all know that sleep is for the weak.
My dog would also so very thankful. As if having his entire life uprooted and moved to a strange new place isn't traumatizing enough, he gets to listen to the piercing sound of your pride and joy telling the world that the wind has blown. It's alright though, since you've got me up so early, I have plenty of time to try to coax him out from underneath the bed before I leave to the gym to experience the next worst day of my life.
I understand that protecting his belongings is important, but he has to be the rudest person I've never met. If he doesn't fix that I'm going to do enough damage to get at least a full month of peace and quiet while it's in the shop. =]
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Dog Shit
I came across one of my favorite blogs I've posted in the past, and thought, why not re-post it for good laughs.
To the owner of the dog who took a shit outside my apartment building
All I have to say is Fack You for not picking up your dog's shit.
The dog park is literally half a mile away. You couldn't make your stupid dog wait? No. Instead, I step on your dog's steaming pile of shit right in front of my apartment.
Even after I took my shoe off, and left it outside my apartment, I could still smell your dog's shit all hovering around me like a toxic cloud.
Have you never had to clean dog shit out off of a pair of Nike running shoes before? Maybe you should take a look at how many ridiculous grooves there are in the soles.
[ check out looking for my sole-mate blog ;) ]
Meanwhile, I try to delicately rinse off your dog's shit in my bathroom sink, little bits of shit water splashing all over my jeans. I start gagging because I can taste the dog shit steam . No matter how careful I am, shit water runs over into the actual shoe, soaking right through.
Puking a little in my mouth, I run away, just to come back to my fucking roommates cat taking a drink of your dog's shit water in the sink.
You a-hole.
The worst of it all, is I just bought a brand new toothbrush. I haven't even used it for 3 days, and then I get to use it to clean out all of your dog's shit out of every single fucking groove of the soles.
Dog owners beware, the next time I see you NOT pick your dog's shit, I will be glad to pick it up for you.
You just don't want to know what I am gonna do with it.
To the owner of the dog who took a shit outside my apartment building
All I have to say is Fack You for not picking up your dog's shit.
The dog park is literally half a mile away. You couldn't make your stupid dog wait? No. Instead, I step on your dog's steaming pile of shit right in front of my apartment.
Even after I took my shoe off, and left it outside my apartment, I could still smell your dog's shit all hovering around me like a toxic cloud.
Have you never had to clean dog shit out off of a pair of Nike running shoes before? Maybe you should take a look at how many ridiculous grooves there are in the soles.
[ check out looking for my sole-mate blog ;) ]
Meanwhile, I try to delicately rinse off your dog's shit in my bathroom sink, little bits of shit water splashing all over my jeans. I start gagging because I can taste the dog shit steam . No matter how careful I am, shit water runs over into the actual shoe, soaking right through.
Puking a little in my mouth, I run away, just to come back to my fucking roommates cat taking a drink of your dog's shit water in the sink.
You a-hole.
The worst of it all, is I just bought a brand new toothbrush. I haven't even used it for 3 days, and then I get to use it to clean out all of your dog's shit out of every single fucking groove of the soles.
Dog owners beware, the next time I see you NOT pick your dog's shit, I will be glad to pick it up for you.
You just don't want to know what I am gonna do with it.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
WTFM
What the fack mon! I need a mothafacking new job, I have a resume that says I am fit to be your damn boss.
I have applied to a ton of jobs and not one of them responded
WHAT THE FACK MON!
Cover Letter? Here's my fackin cover letter!
Now, I'll strip if I have to...that's right! I'll strip-tease if I have to.
Got a bear in your backyard eating your trash? I'll fight that mothafacka and I'll win!
Can any other prospective employee say that?!
FACK NO MON!
What'd you say? You lost your keys? fack it! I'll shoot the goddamn lock off your door with my laser eyes!
Your brother is gay and you're not cool with that?
I'll de-gay him Don't believe me?!
Hire me and I'll fucking show you!
OBJECTIVE
I need a new mothafackin job
SHIT I HAVE DONE
I invented the word fack
Had sex with the Spice Girls.
The Carpool doll was originally my idea until that bastard Chug Norris stole it.
Gave prophetic visions of the apocalypse.
Watched the movie "Juwanna Mann" at least 18 times.
Created a new genre of dance, I like to call it the microwave
I rde-gay my friend, I now know how it works.
When I was 8, a frisbee flew into my backyard and I blew it up with my mind.
Can make weapons out of anything, (very useful in a hostile work environment)
Proficient in Microsoft Office and Photoshop
Iwould like to remind you that I can make weapons out of anything.
remember.....anything.
WHAT THE FACK MON
I have applied to a ton of jobs and not one of them responded
WHAT THE FACK MON!
Cover Letter? Here's my fackin cover letter!
Now, I'll strip if I have to...that's right! I'll strip-tease if I have to.
Got a bear in your backyard eating your trash? I'll fight that mothafacka and I'll win!
Can any other prospective employee say that?!
FACK NO MON!
What'd you say? You lost your keys? fack it! I'll shoot the goddamn lock off your door with my laser eyes!
Your brother is gay and you're not cool with that?
I'll de-gay him Don't believe me?!
Hire me and I'll fucking show you!
OBJECTIVE
I need a new mothafackin job
SHIT I HAVE DONE
I invented the word fack
Had sex with the Spice Girls.
The Carpool doll was originally my idea until that bastard Chug Norris stole it.
Gave prophetic visions of the apocalypse.
Watched the movie "Juwanna Mann" at least 18 times.
Created a new genre of dance, I like to call it the microwave
I rde-gay my friend, I now know how it works.
When I was 8, a frisbee flew into my backyard and I blew it up with my mind.
Can make weapons out of anything, (very useful in a hostile work environment)
Proficient in Microsoft Office and Photoshop
Iwould like to remind you that I can make weapons out of anything.
remember.....anything.
WHAT THE FACK MON
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)