WTFM

What the fack mon! I need a mothafacking new job, I have a resume that says I am fit to be your damn boss.
I have applied to a ton of jobs and not one of them responded
WHAT THE FACK MON!

Cover Letter? Here's my fackin cover letter!
Now, I'll strip if I have to...that's right! I'll strip-tease if I have to.
Got a bear in your backyard eating your trash? I'll fight that mothafacka and I'll win!
Can any other prospective employee say that?!
FACK NO MON!
What'd you say? You lost your keys? fack it! I'll shoot the goddamn lock off your door with my laser eyes!
Your brother is gay and you're not cool with that?
I'll de-gay him Don't believe me?!
Hire me and I'll fucking show you!


OBJECTIVE
I need a new mothafackin job

SHIT I HAVE DONE
I invented the word fack
Had sex with the Spice Girls.
The Carpool doll was originally my idea until that bastard Chug Norris stole it.
Gave prophetic visions of the apocalypse.
Watched the movie "Juwanna Mann" at least 18 times.
Created a new genre of dance, I like to call it the microwave
I rde-gay my friend, I now know how it works.
When I was 8, a frisbee flew into my backyard and I blew it up with my mind.
Can make weapons out of anything, (very useful in a hostile work environment)
Proficient in Microsoft Office and Photoshop

Iwould like to remind you that I can make weapons out of anything.



remember.....anything.

WHAT THE FACK MON